Is it possible to make peace with the idea of dying?

What does research say about the fear of death?

Psychologists call it death anxiety: worry or dread about dying or being dead. Some of it is common. For some people it grows heavy enough to shape daily life, and researchers have proposed that it may underlie a number of mental health conditions (Menzies and colleagues, 2018).

In two studies published in 2007, adults aged 18 to 87 filled out fear-of-death questionnaires. Fear peaked in the 20s and dropped after that, though women showed a second rise in their 50s. The studies compared people of different ages at one time, so they can’t show that any one person’s fear will fade.

A well-known idea, terror management theory, says people cope with knowing they will die by holding tight to their worldview and self-worth. A 2010 review of 277 experiments found that reminders of death had a moderate effect on how strongly people defended those beliefs. But when 17 labs tried to repeat a classic version with 1,550 people, they could not reproduce it. The theory remains debated.

What about faith? A 2018 review of 100 studies found only a weak link overall between being religious and fearing death less. But 10 of the 11 studies that tested it directly gave some support to an upside-down U: people with strong faith and people who are firmly nonreligious fear death less, and people who are unsure fear it most. The authors said more evidence is needed.

In a 2017 study, blog posts by people dying of terminal illnesses such as cancer were more positive than posts by people asked to imagine their situation. It measured feeling in words, not inner peace, but it suggests that dread felt from a distance can be a poor forecast.

When the fear is too heavy, help exists. The Menzies review of 15 randomized trials found that talking therapies and death education lowered death anxiety a small to medium amount. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a common talk therapy, showed the clearest benefit, though the studies were few and often weak.

What have philosophers offered?

The Greek philosopher Epicurus (341–270 BCE) wrote that death is “nothing to us.” As the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy explains his reasoning, everything good or bad for us comes through what we feel. While we exist, death is not here. When death is here, we are not there to feel it.

The Roman poet Lucretius, a follower of Epicurus in the first century BCE, added the symmetry argument. The time before you were born does not trouble you. The time after death is its mirror image, he said, so it need not trouble you either.

Epicureans hoped such arguments would bring peace of mind. Critics feel they miss the point. The philosopher Thomas Nagel argued in 1970 that death can be bad for us because it takes away the good life we would otherwise have had. The Stanford Encyclopedia adds a reply: birth starts a good thing going, while death brings a good thing to a close. So the two sides of the mirror are not alike.

Bernard Williams argued the reverse: never dying would become unbearable, because we could not stay ourselves and stay attached to life forever. The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic, treated death, and the passing of all things, as not up to us. Whether death ends us or nature transforms us, he suggested, a philosophical life means rising above it.

How do different traditions approach it?

Here are a few answers, in no ranked order. Each tradition is far richer than one line can show.

• Buddhist. In one short teaching, the Buddha names five facts to reflect on often, including “I am subject to death,” and adds that all beings share this. The reflection is meant to weaken careless living and guide good conduct.
• Christian. In the early 1400s, the Ars moriendi, “the art of dying,” was written to help friars care for the dying. It described a good death as overcoming five temptations: loss of faith, despair, impatience, pride and greed (Espí Forcén and Espí Forcén, 2016). A 2024 nursing article argues that hospital nurses caring for dying patients can still learn from it.
• Jewish and Christian. A psalm prays, “Teach us to count our days rightly, that we may obtain a wise heart” (Psalm 90:12).
• Muslim. The Qur’an says that every soul will taste death, and that people will be repaid in full on the Day of Resurrection.
• Hindu. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells the warrior Arjuna that the soul is not destroyed when the body is destroyed.
• Secular. At a Death Cafe, people, often strangers, meet over tea and cake to talk openly about death. Its organizers count more than 24,000 gatherings in 100 countries since 2011. It is a conversation, not grief counseling.

Where can people of faith and skeptics agree?

Believers and nonbelievers often disagree about what comes after death. Yet across these traditions, people are asked to face death rather than hide from it, and to let that awareness shape how they live now. And people of every view can agree that no one should have to face the end alone or in pain.

What do people who care for the dying see?

Palliative care eases the symptoms and stress of serious illness. It can begin at any stage, alongside treatment. Hospice is care at the end of life, usually for people expected to live six months or less. Its stated goal is to help people who are dying have peace, comfort and dignity (MedlinePlus).

These teams may include chaplains, psychologists and social workers. The U.S. National Cancer Institute says a palliative care expert can help people explore their beliefs and values so they can find a sense of peace or a point of acceptance that fits their situation.

A national survey from 1999 asked seriously ill patients, bereaved families, doctors and other caregivers what matters at the end of life. All four groups rated pain control, preparing for death and a sense of completion as important. Patients rated some things higher than doctors did, including not being a burden, helping others and coming to peace with God.

In a 2010 trial, 151 people with advanced lung cancer were randomly assigned to usual cancer care, with or without early palliative care. Those who got palliative care early reported a better quality of life, and fewer had signs of depression (16% versus 38%). That is one trial, but a 2016 review of 43 trials also linked palliative care to better quality of life, though less strongly in the most careful trials. The World Health Organization estimates that only about 14% of people worldwide who need palliative care receive it.

Isn’t making peace with death a way of giving up?

This is the strongest objection. If death takes away the good life we would have had, as Nagel argued, maybe calm acceptance is a mistake. Maybe we should fight it with everything we have.

Philosophers offer a reply. One route to peace would be to stop wanting anything death could take. The Stanford Encyclopedia explains why that backfires: to be fully safe, you would have to give up the very hopes that make life good. A milder version, not pinning everything on goals no lifetime could finish, can be wise. Peace is not the same as wanting less. A person can accept that death will come and still wish, openly, for more time.

Another common mistake: the famous “five stages” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) come from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s 1969 book On Death and Dying, based on her talks with more than 200 dying patients. Reviewers have found little evidence that people move through set stages in order, and a 2017 review, focused mainly on grief, warned that expecting stages can hurt people who don’t follow them. If acceptance comes and goes, or never looks tidy, nothing has gone wrong.

Fear is not a failure, either. If fear of death is taking over your sleep or your days, a doctor or counselor can help. If you ever have thoughts of ending your life, please reach out now. In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It is free, confidential and open 24/7.

How can you check this yourself?

• Read Epicurus’s argument and its critics in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on death. Which step, if any, do you reject?
• Open the studies linked above. Check how many people took part, and whether researchers followed the same people over time.
• Read a tradition’s own texts, then ask someone who lives by them what those words mean to them.
• If someone you love is seriously ill, ask the care team who helps with fear and spiritual questions.

No study can tell you what peace should feel like for you. But you can see what the evidence says, where it stops, and where the choice is yours.